MetaComment on what this is parallel to, a substitute for, competing with

I had intended to assemble a diary that might read like a how-to guide in handling the delamination of self.  It was to be anchored to the idea of loss as a repulsive gift, something that however difficult or bewildering, was also bracing in reminding/insisting that stability is not to be taken for granted.  Very little should be.

  Except I am probably the last person capable of outlining how to do anything, not because I don’t know how to, but because I can’t seem to consider the perspective of the person to whom I would relate / to say it simply without becoming buried in abstraction.  

Instead of a steady diet of riffing on the repulsive gift, I am trying to distract myself with art, or daydreaming about travel, or reading abstruse theory from media-software savants or 70s-era psychotherapists who play with meta theories about capitalism and selfhood - lots of self-hoisting topicality in other words.  and also trying hard to have basis to reject (better: disprove) the notion that I am doing something other than distracting myself.  

having seized the means of production, I am my own boss, and he is, in most regards, a real demanding son of a bitch. That is a chief and primary means of distraction, which is a tacit refusal to accept the repulsive gift.